New Horizons

As you’re aware, life has been tumultuous.
Pregnancy, loss, life, moves, careers, learning, etc.

Tonight I am born as a doula and a new woman. A mother to mothers.

I’ve been rather discouraged as of late. My doula training is nearly complete, but I am lacking the crucial birth experience to certify. My appointment for counseling had to be moved, so I have yet to see anyone.

I was hopeful, as I attended a fundraiser for the local doula group on Sunday and had my first client interview on Tuesday.
The client interview, unfortunately, did not go as one might hope. After having to turn down my first prospect I was devastated. I expected that this meant I would not be a doula. I was a failure. I began looking for other jobs that evening when I returned home.

However, life has a way of surprising you.
I received some correspondence from a woman in another state saying her sister was going to be induced soon and needed a doula desperately. As far as doulas go, we are willing to support as best we can, but we prefer to have a few meetings with our client first. I told the woman to have her sister call me–I told her my fee–and that was that.

Two days go by and I hear nothing. I assume plans changed and they would no longer need me. Oh well, I wasn’t cut out for this anyway.
This morning I receive a call from a strange number. I answer. It’s *Ginger*. Her sister had told her to call me to get to know me better and see what I may be able to do for her. She is being induced this morning and if I’m available she’d like me to attend her birth. After a little discussion, we agree to meet at the hospital so that I can get to know her a little more before she goes into labor. She agrees, her sister calls me, we set up a payment agreement. It’s all done.

Now I’m waiting patiently to attend my first birth. I will be leaving in roughly 40 minutes to start my journey. I’m so thrilled and anxious and scared. But I know I can do this. I am a doula. This is my client. I will help her have her baby.

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Traumas and Relief

I’ve been neglecting this for about two weeks now. Sorry, folks.
Life has been changing rapidly.
At first I was not posting because I was too overwhelmed, didn’t know how to write. More recently it’s been because I just didn’t feel like sharing. But I owe it to you and to myself and to my baby.

I ended up back at my OB. We scheduled a D&C for Tuesday morning, the 29th.

On Friday I called because I’d been having quite a bit of bleeding and didn’t know if this meant I would no longer need it. They scheduled an ultrasound for Monday afternoon.
Over the weekend the bleeding increased. I also noticed a slight sour smell and was worried about infection.

When I saw my OB on Monday, the U/S showed almost no change. I saw a doctor who was not my regular and he said that he was moderately concerned but that I should be okay.

I had been dizzy all day, but I thought nothing of it. After I left my appointment it got worse. I called the doctor, they told me to head to the hospital. So off I went.

At the hospital I was told to pee into a little pot on the toilet so they could measure the clots and blood loss.
Shortly after I arrived I went to the bathroom with some pretty bad cramps.
I lost 6 clots all at once. It was gross, but I felt much better.

Afterwards, the bleeding slowed to a near stop. By the morning I was not bleeding anymore. They put the D&C on hold so that I could get an ultrasound. After the ultrasound the doctor came in, she said that I could go ahead and order breakfast, I didn’t need the surgery, everything was gone. Since then I’ve had a little bit of spotting, but nothing significant. I feeling a lot better emotionally. I’m able to slowly work on getting past this.
I might write more about my experience in the hospital later on, but for now, that is the gist of it.

As for every other aspect of my life.
I was supposed to tour the cosmetology school I’m planning to attend. But my car is a miserable shit and broke some more, so touring is pending these new repairs.

On a more positive note, and in a bit of irony given the timing, I learned today that I was chosen in the Intuitive Childbirth lottery program for the birth doula course!
It’s bittersweet, but I’m very excited with this new passage in my life.
I feel that it’s a sign from my baby girl. That, while she had to leave me, I should be working to make sure that others are not left like us, to suffer. So that they can be brought into the world with all the love and support that Lily and I were not fortunate enough to have. Click the link for more info on Intuitive Childbirth and if you wish to read my previous post about the program, it’s here.